Based on what’s coming out of the Sundance Film Festival this year, I think some savvy director ought to get a jumpstart for next year and consider making films based on some of the chapters in Leviticus, Song of Solomon, Amnor and Tamar, and Lot and his two daughters.

Two press-generating movies this year are Hounddog and Zoo. Billed as a “Southern gothic tale,” Hounddog stars Dakota Fanning, who portrays a 12-year-old being raised by an abusive father and alcoholic grandmother. Being a New Orleans girl, I am offended already by the Southern label. Talk about a movie that’s going to perpetuate God sending Hurricane Katrina as a massive moral cleansing. Hello. Acts of degradation are not limited to states that serve grits.

In the movie, Dakota is raped while her 12-year-old boyfriend watches. Thankfully, the movie spares audiences the details of the rape scene (Dakota screaming “No!” and slamming her hand on the ground are the only actions) , but it does show her naked father climbing into bed with her.

Dakota said she would tell her friends to see Hounddog with their parents’ approval, because it addresses many topics they will either soon face or, perhaps, already have. “I’m going to be a freshman in high school in September, and I think it would be irresponsible of my parents not to let me know of things that happen and to try not to get yourself in uncomfortable situations,” said Fanning, who turns 13 next month. “It’s educational.”

Well, Ms. Fanning. Take your vitamins because you’re going to be quite the busy chick over the next ten years if your parents’ idea of informing you of horrific happenings is to have you act them out in movies.  To refer to rape, especially of a pre-teen, as an “uncomfortable situation” is an uncomfortable situation in itself.

“Educational”? Gotta love the posturing from a 12-year-old. Well, since the rapist in the movie is never caught, and she fails to tell anyone about it, I’m having a difficult time discerning the “educational” value. Let’s see, what did we learn here? Child rape is the new gratuitous sex? Is that the message we want young girls to take away?

As if that’s not enough to make you want to slap Fanning’s parents all the way back to the land of responsible parenthood, there’s a documentary entitled Zoo. In this gem, a man finds intimate companionship in a barn with an Arabian stallion. Based on a true story, the film relates the events that unfold after the man dies after being dropped off at a hospital in Enumclaw, WA. Apparently, his death resulted from an “incident” –the details of which I’d rather not know. Long story short–the farm was found along with “buckets full” (quote from Karina Longworth on Netscape) of video tapes showing this man and others who participated. The men would meet at the farm, knock down a few daiquiris, and then —

The director says: “I anesthetized the sleaze right out of it.” So, what? Now it’s Mr. Ed meets Gilligan?

What truly dumbfounded me is the filmmaker discussing the “universal” nature of the film for middle-class America. Okay, now I’m scared. If that’s the new middle class, who are all those Super Bowl commercials for?

I won’t delve into more of the Mr. Hands story (yep, that was his online screen name) because I need to not throw up while I’m cooking dinner for my NOT-middle-class-anymore family.

The closing irony is that one of the news headlines is a blurb about an airline employee deleting God’s name and any references to Him in the film The Queen.

Anybody seen an ark lately?