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Reading headlines for entertainment

When I write, I’m always conscious of events in my novels not seeming contrived. You know, “that would never happen” situations that readers would find too unbelievable in a book that wasn’t SciFi or paranormal or magical realism.

In one of my breaks for research (a WIDE open term for what I do when I’m not writing), I tripped across the following headlines (in italics). I thought I’d share them as evidence that truth IS often stranger than fiction…and, in some cases, unsettling.

In no particular order:

Olympic Village stocked with 110 thousand condoms (CNN) Is there a new Olympic sport of which we’re not aware? That amounts to 37 per athlete for the seventeen days. Judicious use, I suppose? But since outdoor sex is banned, that might help….

The internet of dildos is here and it’s vulnerable as hell (Mashable) This is NOT related to the headline above, and I didn’t read the article to know if I should be upset or elated about their vulnerability.

Jeopardy contestants couldn’t answer a single football question. (SB Nation). For shame! Especially if you live in SEC Nation.

Hawaii twin accused of diving off cliff to kill sister is committed of murder (Fox News) I suspect a novel with this premise with be in  our futures.

Kid gets stuck in claw machine (SkyNews) He retrieved his stuffed football prize, so he’ll think the whole experience paid off.

Titusville, Fla., firefighters work to get boy out of a claw machine in a restaurant. (Titusville, Fla., Fire Department)

People on Instagram criticized CardiB for having body hair, but her fans clapped back (BuzzFeed) CardiB,24, sings “Bodak Yellow,” her debut which was a #1 hit in September. I’d post the meaning of “bodak” (it has to do with a cow’s tushy and #2), but I suggest you go to Urban Dictionary if you must know the exact definition. As for the song lyrics, well, if you omit the profanity and the sexual references, you’re left with about three dozen articles (as in parts of speech) and a few non-offensive nouns.

Religious leaders in Senegal say Rihanna is Illuminati (Complex) At first, I thought the headline meant to say “illuminated,” but no.

Naked robber not guilty by reason of insanity. (Fox) Duh.

Man who wed 6 women charged with marriage fraud. (AOL) Duh again. Plus, that’s a hell of a lot of alimony and/or child support.

NASA lost contact with a satellite 12 years ago. An amateur just found its signal (The Washington Post). We hope Elon Musk‘s Telsa Roadster just launched from Falcon Heavy will not be involved in a head-on collision with it.

(Photo published by CNN Tech)

If you haven’t seen the video of this launch, I encourage you to do so. It’s spectacular.

And, now, it’s back to writing for me…Writing fiction, wherein I tell plausible lies.