Sex isn’t just in the city, it’s in your make-up bag

Musings on make-up:

1. If you want a neon dunderhead sign to appear above your forehead, walk into Sephora and say the following: “You know that spackle stuff you use to fill in holes when you paint walls? I need something like that for the pores in my nose.”

2. I have a tiny bottle of Advanced Night Repair lotion. The fact that it’s labeled “repair” implies it’s designed to fix something that’s already broken, that being my face. “Advanced” is equally disturbing because it’s not suggesting I’m at the head of the class. And, does the lotion truly know if I’m applying it after the sun sets?

3. As much as I loved the shade, I just could not commit to wearing Orgasm Blush by NARS. I refuse to buy a product that I’m embarrassed to ask for by name. Then there’s the issue of walking around all day wearing something that mimics a post-sex flush.

4. Had I known the name of this product before it was applied to my eyelashes, it would have definitely fallen under the “I can’t buy this because I can’t ask for it” rule. Now I’m doomed because I’m really impressed with everything about it except the name: Better Than Sex Mascara by Too Faced.

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I’m not sure I want to know who at their corporation weighed the options, sex vs. mascara, and decided the winner. It bothers me to think what this might reveal about their sex lives. But what I found intriguing was the “proof” touted on the product insert that attests to its being better than sex. Though none of these were standards I’ve ever been aware were used as qualifiers for good vs. bad sex.

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“Longer lashes”? Maybe if you’re into bondage? And I’m not going anywhere near “base-to-tip curl” or “dramatic volume” for that matter.

So, instead of, “Not tonight, I have a headache,” some women will defer to, “Not tonight, I’ve already used my mascara”?

Can we start moving beauty products out of the bedroom and into the kitchen? I’d buy a case of mascara named “Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch” or a dozen blushes called “red velvet cheesecake.”

 

 

featured image from total beauty.com

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