Have a high schooler? Here’s a few helpful hints for parental units
Aug 07
Written while wearing my “teacher” hat, I’ve listed several suggestions [in no particular order] for parents of high school students…
1. Some kids think whatever they wear the first day of school will mark them for high school life. Probably not, but unless Princess wants to wear spike heels and a tube top and Prince has chosen drop-butt jeans, allow them this wardrobe decision. Feeling good about themselves that day is important.
2. Students at our high school do not wear uniforms. Pity. The beginning of the school year is B-quadrupled (boobs, butts, and belly buttons). Please be aware of your high school’s dress code, and-not that I would ever question your child’s integrity-you can always check the school/parish/county website online for validation.
Some of the regulations may seem silly to you; I may even agree. I don’t think Larry Low Pants learns more when he’s wearing a belt. Do you know WHY I think this? Glad you asked. Because if Larry Low Pants was actually already interested in learning, he’d already be wearing a belt because he follows instructions and does not want to lose valuable class time sitting in the discipline office waiting for his parental unit to drop off clothes. And notice this isn’t an issue of Larry’s IQ; it’s his I WILL.
One of our rules is that skirts and shorts (for girls) have to be fingertip length. I’m waiting for a few Princesses to undergo elbow-ectomies so they can wear shorts that would fit my three-year-old granddaughter. Seriously, I see these girls bend over. It’s not pretty.
Every year I tell students who don’t like the dress code to stop whining and volunteer to be on the student committee for dress codes and/or run for a Student Council office and effect change. You might want to suggest this if your student is unhappy about clothing regulations.
3. Attend the school Open House. If your student claims to have absolutely no recollection of advance notice of this event, call the school. Get the date. Go. At one time I had five children attending four different schools. Plus, I had to attend my own Open House as teacher. An exhausting school year. I know it’s difficult after a long day at work to drag yourself out and parade through your child’s school schedule or however it’s conducted in your universe. Please do it anyway.
It’s not a night to find out Paul Procrastination’s every quiz grade. It’s an opportunity for you to be in your student’s world, sit in her desk, and look over the classroom and the teachers. I do understand that circumstances may hinder your participation. If they do, let your student’s teacher know that. When kids and teachers know you care, it makes a difference. Two years ago, I saw two parents the entire night. I taught 130 students.
4. Do you know the eight busiest days for the library copy machine? The day progress reports and report cards are issued. I’m just saying….
5. Schools issue report cards….they are hardly ever lost, issued to the wrong student, delayed because of computer glitches, mailed to the wrong house….I know some of these could happen. But not every grading period, and not always to your student.
6. If your student comes home with tales of woe about his teacher being mean and hateful, refusing to teach, always giving too much homework…smile. Then please call or email the teacher before going over his/her head to administrators. Are there times when these complaints are valid? I’m sure; every profession has its share of people who did not attend school on career day and, consequently, chose the wrong one. But, again, it’s unlikely that your student was selected for this particular torture, and six of her seven teachers are waiting for their prison guard applications to be approved.
And when you do call or email the teacher, being nice goes a long way. Since email as become a communication tool, I’ve received some of the most vitriolic venom from parents, and usually it’s their first communication with me. They’ve disparaged me as a teacher, as a person, questioned my professionalism, my standards, and my integrity. I’ve been held responsible for a student’s hair falling out from stress, having to go into therapy, and staying awake over 24 hours to finish a project [not all the same student].
If you wouldn’t say it to the teacher personally, don’t say it in an email. And if you want to call the teacher, please attempt to do so during school hours. I’ve had phone calls at 10:30 at night, during supper, and on Saturdays. If we’d mutually agreed on this time, no problem. If not, problem. Also, if the teacher did not distribute his/her personal phone number, do not call another teacher or someone you know who’s friends with the teacher for the phone number.
It’s important for your student, when s/he complains of unfairness, to witness you making an effort to hear both sides. Schedule a conference with the teacher, but be sure to have Sally Sigher sitting there with you. It eliminates he said/she said conferences, and it helps the student understand the concept of problem ownership.
7. The stereotypical after-school conversation:
“Hi, darling. How was school?”
“Okay.”
“What did you do today?”
“Nothin’.”
“Do you have homework?”
[insert mumbling here]
Since I’ve sat on both side of the desk, I’ve had this enthralling conversation with my own children. Don’t be afraid to dig a little. Sometimes they need time to unwind from their school day just like adults unwind from their work day. Maybe the first ten minutes they’re home isn’t prime time for this conversation. But try again later. Ask to see any handouts they received that day, look at what they’re reading in class. Talk about what they’re learning, not as a means of testing them, but as a way to engage them in conversation. What did they hear that day that surprised or annoyed or confused them? Did they laugh that day?
8. Encourage your students to join a club or clubs. Activities aren’t limited to those with athletic ability. Our clubs range from Paint Ball to Archery to Agape to Student Council plus another fifteen or so. Club memberships offer opportunities for students to be involved in school beyond academics. It also provides students chances to meet people they may never see during the course of their regular school day. And having club memberships and office prove important when completing those college applications.
9. Just because Connie Computer spends three to four hours every night “on” the computer, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s completing school work on the computer. More than likely it’s 2.75 hours of IM, and fifteen minutes of homework. Many of my students spend more time IM-ing one another about the assignment than they spend actually completing it.
Once again, I droned on much more than I’d intended. I have more to share about this, but the night is almost morning.
Do you have any questions?
Why do you call things preschool names? Paul Procrastinator? It’s not cute. It’s annoying. No wonder you have trouble with students.
Comment by Mitchell — August 7, 2008 @ 10:03 pm
Christa,
I may just print this out and send it home with my students lol ! It was perfect.
I, too, have had the awful parent teacher nights or open house days where no one shows. In 15 years, now remember what program I teach, I have had five parents actually show up. I try to instill the importance of attending, some do email me, most ignore me. If you have a surefire way of attracting the parents to school (yes, I tried food and give-aways). let me know. :)
Once again, you have brought a smile and a few laughs to this person who has to go back on Tuesday YIKES!!!
jo-anne
Comment by Jo-Anne Clough — August 8, 2008 @ 8:43 am
Jo-Anne: I’ll be thinking of you on Tuesday. And knowing the program of which you speak, I understand. So far, I’ve not had much success either in attracting more parents. Sad.
Mitchell: I’m not sure about the assumptive leap that I have “trouble with students.” The few instances of which I spoke were provided by way of example. I’ve been teaching over twenty years, which means over 3,000 students have walked through my classroom doors. Trust me, I wouldn’t subject myself to that degree of torture.
I was, though, unaware that preschoolers were named Paul Procrastinator.
Comment by Christa Allan — August 8, 2008 @ 11:22 am
From a Student
———————–
1. At least for me, day one in school is all about getting your parents to buy you stuff. You want a new t-shirt? Make it seem like you need it for the first day. Cash money.
2. This is, with all due respect, one of the most ignorant comments I’ve ever read. I’m actually impressed by how upset you made me at this. You are relating the way somebody wears pants to the way somebody wants to learn? What about comfort? I wear baggy shorts all year round, because that’s comfortable to me. have a 3.5 gpa, I play sports,
The rest… in theory, good ideas. But, you are fostering a horrific parent-child relationship. With a good relationship, you should be able to have an open flow of communication with your child. Going to the open houses with the objective of finding out every quiz grade, every study habit… that’s really dirty and seems like spying. At that point, you are going over your students head, and from a psychological standpoint, that’s hurtful.
Ms. Allan, your heart is in the right place; your methods, however, are not.
Comment by Enigma 3 — August 8, 2008 @ 11:41 am
Enigma 3:
1. Hope that worked for you.
2. Sorry. No way to respectfully accuse someone of being ignorant.
Clearly, you missed my point. No, I wasn’t relating the wearing of baggy points to someone’s desire to learn. If someone chooses to directly violate the dress code, that person is fully aware there will be a consequence for that choice. And if someone chooses to not follow instructions, that’s a problem. The problem is going to cause that person to lose classroom time.
Kudos on your comfy baggy shorts and 3.5 GPA. Glad that’s working for you. Let’s pretend, though, you one day work for a corporation that wants you to wear a suit. But you want to wear your baggy shorts because, after all, you can work just as well in them. What message are you sending the president of that corporation? Would you be surprised if there would be a consequence for your decision? [These are rhetorical questions.]
3. Here’s what I said about a parent attending Open House: “It’s not a night to find out Paul Procrastination’s every quiz grade. It’s an opportunity for you to be in your student’s world, sit in her desk, and look over the classroom and the teachers.”
This is your response; “Going to the open houses with the objective of finding out every quiz grade, every study habit… that’s really dirty and seems like spying. At that point, you are going over your students head, and from a psychological standpoint, that’s hurtful.”
Did you miss the “not”?
Obviously, you know me or, at least, think you do. And if you really knew me as teacher, do you honestly believe I would suggest parents attend an Open House to spy? Goodness, we’re only in the classroom six or seven minutes. Hardly enough time for espionage.
“…you are going over your students head…” Hmmm. I don’t need permission from a student to discuss grades and study habits with his/her parents, I shouldn’t have to have this discussion. Parents should have already heard this information directly from their student. [see my #7]
Have a successful school year. And don’t run with scissors.
Comment by Christa Allan — August 8, 2008 @ 9:59 pm
I like the name Paul Procrastinator
Comment by spencer — August 9, 2008 @ 11:08 pm
I like all the names and these responses prove that people do not really read what is out there.
Comment by Jo-Anne Clough — August 10, 2008 @ 6:58 pm