I tried dropping out. I dropped back in–but only after a year of painful introspection. Ripping away the familiar to expose the remnants. Pieces of me scattered over the years of my life. The soul-wrenching journey to finding them and gathering those fragments deemed worthy. People who know me now would not recognize the faraway me. I reflect on the her of long ago, the her with with a sadness full of the future, burdened by the present, held hostage by the past. I want to reach across the years, yank her out of her compliance, her self-doubt, her unworthiness–pull her towards me—plunge into her wilted spirit and pull it inside out and hand it to her as a gift.

Here–look what you created. Look–I found the pieces–love and forgiveness and hope and joy–they were the glue and what you lost, you gained. It had to be broken-

-your life–

the shell had to crack. Look how your life has been bountiful;a grateful blessing to me for what you had to endure to make all this possible.