According to recent news reports, Katie Holmes (aka Mrs. Tom-I’m-taller-than-my-husband-who-is-supposedly-holding-me-hostage-in-my-own-house Cruise)  is secretly talking to Catholic priests.

Katie, millions of Catholics do this; they call it confession.

And, anyway, if I know what you’re doing, (and I’m so far down on the Cruise news food chain I’m not even a one-celled thingy), then———it’s NOT a secret.

And for more fun:

Hugh Grant was arrested in London and, no, not for another one of those driveby requisitionings of a female. For allegedly assaulting a photographer with…are you ready…frozen baked beans.

Obviously, the photographer does not realize his fortune. The beans could have: a) still been in the can, and if Grant’s frugal, a large can, b) been recently removed from the oven where they’d been baking at 400 degrees for ten hours, or c) been frozen along with the large order of ribs that they’d snuggled along side of when served.

But, Hugh, really. All that money, and the best you could do was baked beans?